last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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