glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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