My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
