apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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