I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
