i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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