the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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