Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
