2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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