The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?