I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life