True but thats because hes a fetus.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.