After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize