I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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