yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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