Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
