3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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