Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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