They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
