Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had to cum in my sink.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
