oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
