My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
