apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
