I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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