Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
