why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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