As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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