he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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