you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa