Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.