so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you