I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.