"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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