I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
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