if i can run in heels then i can drive
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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