I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
