I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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