he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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