I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
