sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
