I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
