The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
