he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
