Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
