he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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