I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
