Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i out mim tonsoeep
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