so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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