oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
