sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
