oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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