I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
