Buhtt sex?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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