The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
