so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
