I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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