Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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