I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
