She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
