You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
